It Took a Lifetime Movie to Change My Mind About Valentines Day

Now I never have been a girl that longed for someone super romantic...thoughtful was more my expectation. I have always believed there is a fine line between being romantic and what I call over the top cheesy. However, there was a time in my life when my hubby and I were first married that I did have some high expectations when it came to holidays and birthdays and especially Valentines Day. I would say the for about the first four years we were married I Expected the flowers and candies and expensive dinners. And being the kind of guy Jamie is he never disappointed. During that time I felt that by Jamie doing those things for me it must have meant he REALLY loved me.

Many Valentine's days I have had two dozen roses delivered to work (only to die a week a later) but hey the $120 dollars was worth those 10 compliments I got from my coworkers huh? We also went out and had those expensive Valentine dinners and one year I was even given a diamond necklace (one that he knew I liked of course because I had only told him about it over and over again). Many of us ladies watch so many love stories and soap operas that we begin to think that this is how it should be. Many times, deep down inside I knew that Jamie was probably just doing these things for me because I believe he felt he HAD to, which looking back is really kind of sad. But none the less I kept the tradition going. By golly if Victor Newman was going to do some of these things for Nikki then my hubby was going to do them for me :) Valentine's day seemed to be more all about me than about us. But during that time that was ok by me.

Then one day during the summer I was watching a movie on the Lifetime Movie Network. I sure wish I could remember the name of it but I only saw it once and I cannot remember. However the movie was about these two best friends. One woman came from a nice middle class family whose husband was a mechanic and her best friend was a woman who wasn't filthy rich but pretty well off. It was a pretty long movie but it pretty much boiled down to this. Rich friend (as I'll call her) was always being given beautiful things by her husband. He would buy her nice jewelry and she would always have to go over and show her middle class friend her new treasures. He would buy her flowers quite often and even wound up sending her and her middle class best friend on a girl's trip to Europe. Now if that doesn't show how much he loved her I don't know what would right? Right!! ;)  Many times, middle class friend would get a little bit jealous deep down inside. It wasn't that she didn't love her husband but she wished she would be showered with gifts, flowers, and trips like her  best friend.

Rich friend's husband was also very suave. His profession required him to dress in suits and he always smelled very nice. However he did travel quite a bit because of his job and was not home very often. Middle class friend's husband would come into the house with greasy clothes and hands. However, he came straight home from work and happy to see his wife, always greeting her with a kiss and heading straight for the kitchen sink to wash his hands to begin helping her with dinner.

There were so many things that happened in this movie that I wish I had the time to explain but long story short....middle class friend began feeling a little sorry for herself thinking that her husband may not have loved her as much as her friends husband seemed to have loved her. Until one day when everything changed. Rich best friend came over to middle class friend's house during the day balling her eyes out. Her husband had not only been buying her very nice jewelry and flowers but also quite a few other women. He was a Rico Suave' and apparently had many women on the side. While the rich friend is crying on her best friend's shoulder in the middle of her kitchen, middle class friend's husband comes home from a long day at work, smiles at his wife and begins washing his hands in the sink. He asks if he should pick up the kids from school since it looked like her friend needed her. She nods yes, her husband grabs the keys to go out the front door to pick up the kids. His wife then tells her rich best friend to stay right there for a moment. Middle class friend runs out the front door into their driveway and gives her husband a great big hug. He chuckles a little and asks "What was that for?" and she says "That's for taking out the trash, helping make dinner, cutting the grass, working so hard, being a great dad, and always coming home after work." (I balled my eyes out!!)

That truly is when everything changed for me. I no longer needed flowers delivered to my places of employement just so other people could see that my husband loved me. I didn't want Jamie to feel forced to buy me gifts because in all reality what he did everyday for me was enough. Some Valentines days we may go out to a nice dinner if we both agree....some Valentines Days we just stay in and watch the tube. Sometimes we get each other something and sometimes we don't. One Valentines day one of us may just give a card and the other gives a gift and vice versa but the nicest thing about it is that the day has become about us, not just me and that when we give each other something special we know it is from each others hearts and because we wanted to, not because we felt forced to. When we start realizing what we have right in front of us instead of comparing our lives to others or living in a soap opera dream world things become so much simpler and happy. I also believe it helps show our daughter Molly that gifts are nice but it is people's everyday actions that show us how much they truly love us and not how much they spent on a once a year gift.

P.S. He has not said so but I believe that if Jamie could shake the hands of the writers and producers of that movie he certainly would lol.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

His Name is Jamie

I have posted many different things over the years about how much I love my husband but now I feel like writing more. One because I want it written down for him to read and for Molly to know that her parents loved each other with all of their hearts. I am also inspired to write this after watching a movie that touched my heart like no other ever has and that is What Dreams May Come.

I met Jamie 17 1/2  years ago at a card party at a mutual friends house. It was instant attraction.  He was great looking, flashed his beautiful smile, I could tell he had confidence but wasn't cocky, and he had me laughing all night long.

Jamie and I dated for only three months before we got engaged. Our friends told us we were crazy and a few people were even mean about it and told us that it wouldn't last. Every anniversary I think about those people and do a little "Hah! proved you wrong once again" in my head. :)

Over the years when me and my girlfriends would go out I would talk about Jamie A LOT and after a while I could tell that some of the girls just weren't really interested or liking my comments very much. I guess they thought I was bragging but really I was just excited to talk about him and us and the things we liked to do etc. One thing I have learned is that even now, most women don't want to hear how great you think your husband is. For one, some will think that you are lying and two, it's more hip to complain about your husband with a group of women than it is to sing his praises. So now I mostly  just remain quiet except for  every now and then when I feel I must give a shout out to my J man :) This is one of those shout outs.

I must say that I feel a little sorry for Jamie for the way I treated him during our first couple years of marriage. I wasn't terrible or anything but I was just bound and determined to show him and everyone else that just because I was married and my last name was Sandridge, that didn't mean that I wasn't still my own person. I was independant! I would do stupid things like.... if we had people over or went  to someone's house and a person would ask their spouse to get them a drink or make them a plate, Jamie would say "Would you please get me one too?" and I would actually respond by saying "Heck no, you can go in there and get it yourself." I know it's something small but I think about this often and it will be in my list of some regrets.

Jamie had never given me any reason not to treat him with kindness and respect...I just thought that if I did ("in true man style" as I had been told once) that he would start taking me for granted. I was going to prove to everyone that I was my own woman and that I did what I wanted when I wanted to do it.  Ahh so young and  stupid.  It took about two years before I lost my attitude and Jamie never complained that entire time or ever said a word about it to me. (He always said my bossiness and strong opinons attracted him to me but I knew that if I had gone on long enough acting that way that the attractiveness would have worn off). Instead he just kept doing what he still does. If he get's himself a drink, he asks me if I want one. If he fixes himself a snack he asks if I want one. He cleans out my car, drops me off in front of the stores when I'm running errands, puts the groceries in the car even while it's 20 degrees out or pouring down rain and lets me sit inside the car with heat or air running. He has even turned the car around after twenty minutes of driving because I forgot to put my earrings on! It was right after that I began to ask myself  "Why am I being so selfish?" This man is so good to me, it is time I start repaying him for all the ways he has shown me that he loves me. I guess I need things proven to me sometimes.

St. Baldricks

Jamie is a kind, hardworking, laid back, and very funny man. He is a wonderful husband, a good provider and an awesome dad. Jamie did most all of the feedings and the diaper changing etc. for the first few months of  Molly's little life while I was trying to get over some terrible post pardum depression. And while I was depressed he never said nor acted like "You better get over this." or "My gosh how long is this going to last." One day he said to me "Libby, you are not yourself anymore. Why don't WE go see the doctor." So that is what we did. He sat next to me at my OBGYN's office while the doctor told us that things would get better and that he was going to help.

Jamie has never said nor acted like he had to "babysit" his own child. He has been hands on since the day Molly was born. He has fed her, diapered her, taught her how to ride a bike, catch fish, learn addition & subtraction, recognize sarcasm :), taught her pranks and jokes and even how she should beat someone up if they mess with her lol...the latest thing they have been experiencing together is driving. He has a lot of the patience that I don't have. I love him for being a great dad. I also love him for volunteering for getting a vasectomy when we decided we would only have one child. He told me that after seeing all what I had to go through with labor and the emergency C-section that it would be "idiotic" for him not to. I love him.

Here are some other things I love about him. I love that he is handsome. I love that he tells me I'm pretty. I love that when we go to work parties/functions or get togethers that we do not have to babysit one another and we can work the room on our own. I also love the fact that we can look at each other from across the room and smile and know exactly what the other one is thinking. Even to this very day, no matter where we go, I tell him that if I were single he would be THE GUY that I would choose all over again. I love that we have rarely ever fought and that our life is not full of drama. We have fought a total of 6 times since we have known each other and I know this because when we do fight I take note AND when we do fight..... grab a bag of popcorn and a soda because it's going to be a good one. ;)  However we have never left one another..not even for the night. He has always given me that sense of security that I love.

Jamie is not a jealous psycho man and he allows me to be myself and do all the things I love to do. Yet he stays in tune with me and will tell me when he does not like something. He is kind and laid back but still has a backbone. (it was this specific trait that took me a while to find in someone) I like to be boss but yet I don't. Makes perfect sense right? Yeah I know...I'm a woman what can say.

I love that he always makes me feel like I am the only woman in the room when we are out in public (even though like I have said many times that just because you're married doesn't mean you are blind) but if and when he does look he would never let me know it. I love that he is my biggest chearleader, that we make decisions together when it comes to raising Molly, and I really appreciate the fact that what started out as him going to church because he loved me would end up becoming him going to church because he loves God.

One of the two things I love the very most is that Jamie makes me LAUGH!!!! even at inappropriate times lol and I also LOVE that he dances!!! It was during that first three months that we dated...we were out at a mexican restaurant right off Tesson Ferry (which they have since torn down and I can no longer remember the name of it) but great music was coming out of their speaker system so Jamie grabbed me by the hand took me to this small open area in the middle of the restaurant and we danced in the middle of the restaurant while everyone was eating. I love him because he just didn't do these things to impress me because we were dating. I am happy to say that just last night him and I had the BEST time dancing to some great songs from our youth. We dance all the time and I love it!!

Jamie has given up some toys that most men have so that I could stay home with Molly and he still gives up a lot of things that I know he'd probably like to have just so I can work a job I enjoy or quit it whenever I want. Jamie is unique. He is genuine and I mean very genuine. There is not single bone in his body that yearns to act like he is something he is not. Jamie is kind and Jamie is loyal. I will love him to the day I die. I am happy I've experienced this love. I thank God for it every single day and it is one of my ultimate wishes that we get to grow very, very, old together. 

I am glad I got to express this because there are so many times I don't express it when I actually want to because people just don't take me the right way when I say it.

I have told him all these things before but I think we can all use reminders about just how much someone loves us.

Birthdays are a Blessing

In two days I will be 39 years old. I will be celebrating the very last year in my 30's. I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I LOVE birthdays and I especially love mine! I have had many friends and aquaintences and even my very own hubby turn 40 this past year. Our dad will be 75 in two weeks. I never realized how many people do not like their birthdays until recently. I mean they really dread them and even get sad and depressed with the thought of turning another year older. 

I understand that change is a little nerve racking and that getting older takes some getting used to but it is inevitable. The alternative to growing older is death so how come so many people are miserable on their birthdays? I really do not understand it. I know that we have not all experienced the same life lessons but to me it is sad not to like your own birthday. God has blessed you with another year of life. THAT my friends is something to celebrate!!! There are people all over the world praying and fighting to live one more year, three more months, to have two more breaths.

Society makes us think we should be young forever. Society makes us think that age is not a good thing. However, with age comes experience, knowledge, lessons learned, great friendships, stronger loves, and I think that is an awesomeness.

I can remember like it was yesterday sitting on the doctors table with my legs hanging off the edge. I had on shorts because it was June (June 1987) I remember being anxious and squirmy and the paper beneath me being so noisy. The doctor came in and sat on his swiveling stool and rolled himself right up to me, put both of his hands on my knees and looked at me so concerned and he said exactly this "Libby, we are going to do everything in our power to get you well enough to graduate highschool, attend college and  have a family of your own."  Those words back then didn't seem as serious to me as an almost 15 year old girl as they do now. Those words ring in my ears numerous times throughout every year of my life.

I went through two 13 hour surgeries and woke up with what looked like half a face. I had to use a mirror to learn how to eat correctly again. I was so terrified by what I looked like I had my parents cover all the mirrors with towels and sheets. I had such strong chemo put inside my veins that when the bag had a hole in it, it burned a hole right through my nurses white coat. I lost all my hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. At my lowest point I was 5'9 and weighed 86 pounds.  I have lived off a ventilator, thrown up so many times that my gums swelled up so much that you could not even see I had teeth. I even had to use bed pans and have my mom wipe my butt like I was a baby again. I was supposed to be dating!!!! I know what it feels like to be ok with dying because living is just too difficult. I fought and fought and prayed and fought and by golly I graduated high school, I got a college degree, I have a family of my own and now I am about to turn 39 years old. I looked death straight in the face (and that is another awesome story that maybe I can bring myself to share one day). Birthdays to me are a VICTORY! I thank God so much for every single one of my birthdays and I can promise you that even when I am turning 50 and 60 and 70 I am going to thank the good Lord that he blessed me with years. Years are a gift.....Birthdays are a gift.....Age is a gift! Remember that the next time your birthday rolls around because the alternative is to be six foot underground. Be thankful.

TWO MORE DAYS!!!! 

God Gives Us Hope When There Seems To Be None ~ Lib

UNDERSTANDING: having comprehension, good sense. compassion; sympathy.

This is one word that I don't believe is in most people's vocabulary anymore when it comes to human interaction. I'm not saying that understanding is easy because whoo hoo IT IS NOT! But I believe that we should at least try for goodness sakes. 

Whether you are being waited on by the extremely crabby checkout clerk at WalMart, listening to the loud mouth drunk when you are out to dinner, watching the oddly dressed teenagers with their giant ear spacers walk through the mall, and yes.....wait for it....wait for it...even when you are cut off in traffic, passed up by a car at 100 miles an hour or driving behind an 80 year old woman driving about 35 miles an hour. :)

Before I start getting all upset I start saying things to myself like "Well, maybe the lady at Walmart is getting a divorce, just lost her parent, is having to miss her child's school event, or just found a lump in her breast and is waiting to hear the results." These things may not be true about this lady but then again, how do I know that they aren't. I used to think this one lady that checked me out at the hospital cafeteria was pretty darn crabby and I used to think "Dang...can't she ever smile?" And then...no lie...she answered her cell phone one day while I was in her checkout lane and then she apologized and began to tell me that her husband was at home sick with cancer and dying and she wished she could have been home with him but she needed to work at the hospital for the insurance. I'm pretty sure I'd be crabby too.

The loud mouth drunk Jamie and I saw the other night at dinner was a little annoying to me I'd have to admit. Then when he raised his arm I saw a USMC tattoo that he had on his back bicept. Just maybe he served in the war and was using drinking as a coping skill and was allowing himself to have a good time for once instead of experiencing panic attacks that night. This may not be true about this man but then again how do I know that it is not.

And oh... how I love to people watch at the mall. (especially those whacky looking teenagers) But before I am too quick to judge those earlobes that I could put my fists through (UGH!) and yes I'm going to say it...even the pants that are nicely positioned underneath the butt, I tell myself "They are probably just wanting to fit in. They are needing attention from someone even if it isn't the good kind of attention. They are trying to find out who they are."  We've all been teens before and even though we may not have had piercings, saggy earlobes or tattoos :) We have all done something, wore something, or bought something to make us feel like we belong with a group of people.

Ahh...and then there is road rage. When someone is driving crazily around me I remember the time that Molly stood up and fell out of her stroller on a brick floor at the mall when she was about one year old. Her forehead instantly turned bluish and a huge lump appeared. I flew up Mattis Rd. and was passing cars at 65 miles an hour. So now I think "Maybe that person is headed to the hospital to get to a dying loved one. Maybe that person just got a phone call from their babysitter saying that something terrible happened to their child." These things may not be true but then again, how do I know it is not.

And the 80 year old lady that is driving. I know this is a touchy subject for many. I hear people say "When I get that old you better take the keys away from me." or "I will definitely know better when I should not be driving anymore." Well maybe you will and maybe you won't. We are not 80 yet so we don't REALLY know what we would do now do we? Maybe she has absolutely no family or friends and needs to make it to the pharmacy or grocery store. (this is more common that you think) Or maybe she is just scared to death to give up her independence. Try to "understand" this before honking your horn and giving her dirty looks.

All I'm trying to say through all of these examples is to try and UNDERSTAND where a person may be coming from before you freak out. I am still learning this myself but wanted to share some of my experiences with you. I believe that if we really, truly, knew why people do some of the things that they do we would be more patient, have more tolerance and be able to say ..."IT'S OK, I UNDERSTAND".

"To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others." ~ Tony Robbins

God Gives us HOPE when there seems to be none.

Your friend ~ Libby

You Are Special

Has anyone told you that you are special lately? or EVER for that matter. Well I can tell you that you are special even if I don't know you very well. I love that famous saying that "God Doesn't Make Junk" and I believe it whole heartedly. I know that many of you have also heard me say this ... In ALL of history there has never been, nor in the future to infinity and beyond will there EVER be another YOU!!  I find this awesome.

This means that you are unique, you are special, and you should embrace yourself, FLAWS AND ALL!

We live in a world that makes us think that we should be perfect. We should be the perfect weight, have perfect hair, the perfect job, drive the perfect car, and have a perfect family, perfect children, and a perfect life. How unrealistic is that!? And how BORING would that be!?

I look at the people that I know and they are all so different. Better yet, they are all different than me. I have said this many times too but if we only surround ourselves with people just like us we are missing out. I don't always want to talk to people with the same ideals and dreams as me. I want to hear other people's ideals and dreams. Uniqueness is one of the greatest attributes I find in people. We should not all be perfect cookie cutter cut outs of one other. Blah!

As most of you know I LOVE going to the mall. Well in the middle of the mall there is a giant candy kiosk. I always find myself staring at it as I walk by because it is full of so many different bright colored candies. They are different shapes (plump and skinny), different flavors (sweet and sour), different textures, different colors etc. and to me that is what makes it so inticing. Now if I walked up to it and there were 30 different containers of the exact same thing it would not quite have the same affect. You get the picture.

One of my goals is this life to reach as many people as possible and get them to realize that they are special just the way they are. YOU ARE SPECIAL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE! Now there is nothing wrong with wanting to improve ourselves but just as long as we are doing it for us and not because that is what the world tells us we should do. I believe that having self confidence is just simply loving yourself for you. You are special...you are unique...you are YOU. Love yourself!

God Gives Us HOPE when there seems to be none.

Your friend ~ Libby

Be True To YOURSELF

If you refuse to lash out when others hurt you some will think you're strange. If you choose to withhold judgment and not make rash decisions, but administer self-restraint and wait for the facts, some might wonder what you're up to. If you decide to work with certain people and attempt to understand them (even if they are a bit challenging) instead of finding ways to get them back, some might think you're wierd.

Written by a Festus 7th grade boy

As I posted in one of my Facebook status updates...my daughters communication arts teacher took all of the 7th graders stories and poems and bound them into a book and gave each student one to take home. The writings are amazing and so I thought throughout the next few blogs I would share them with you all. It is amazing how we think that teens don't know a thing but yet they know way more than we let ourselves believe. Yes they are learning and us adults are supposed to be examples for them. However, I think if we really pay attention, that many times they can be an example for us.  Below is a poem from a 7th grade boy at my daughters school. May we learn from him........