Tuesday, February 14, 2012

It Took a Lifetime Movie to Change My Mind About Valentines Day

Now I never have been a girl that longed for someone super romantic...thoughtful was more my expectation. I have always believed there is a fine line between being romantic and what I call over the top cheesy. However, there was a time in my life when my hubby and I were first married that I did have some high expectations when it came to holidays and birthdays and especially Valentines Day. I would say the for about the first four years we were married I Expected the flowers and candies and expensive dinners. And being the kind of guy Jamie is he never disappointed. During that time I felt that by Jamie doing those things for me it must have meant he REALLY loved me.

Many Valentine's days I have had two dozen roses delivered to work (only to die a week a later) but hey the $120 dollars was worth those 10 compliments I got from my coworkers huh? We also went out and had those expensive Valentine dinners and one year I was even given a diamond necklace (one that he knew I liked of course because I had only told him about it over and over again). Many of us ladies watch so many love stories and soap operas that we begin to think that this is how it should be. Many times, deep down inside I knew that Jamie was probably just doing these things for me because I believe he felt he HAD to, which looking back is really kind of sad. But none the less I kept the tradition going. By golly if Victor Newman was going to do some of these things for Nikki then my hubby was going to do them for me :) Valentine's day seemed to be more all about me than about us. But during that time that was ok by me.

Then one day during the summer I was watching a movie on the Lifetime Movie Network. I sure wish I could remember the name of it but I only saw it once and I cannot remember. However the movie was about these two best friends. One woman came from a nice middle class family whose husband was a mechanic and her best friend was a woman who wasn't filthy rich but pretty well off. It was a pretty long movie but it pretty much boiled down to this. Rich friend (as I'll call her) was always being given beautiful things by her husband. He would buy her nice jewelry and she would always have to go over and show her middle class friend her new treasures. He would buy her flowers quite often and even wound up sending her and her middle class best friend on a girl's trip to Europe. Now if that doesn't show how much he loved her I don't know what would right? Right!! ;)  Many times, middle class friend would get a little bit jealous deep down inside. It wasn't that she didn't love her husband but she wished she would be showered with gifts, flowers, and trips like her  best friend.

Rich friend's husband was also very suave. His profession required him to dress in suits and he always smelled very nice. However he did travel quite a bit because of his job and was not home very often. Middle class friend's husband would come into the house with greasy clothes and hands. However, he came straight home from work and happy to see his wife, always greeting her with a kiss and heading straight for the kitchen sink to wash his hands to begin helping her with dinner.

There were so many things that happened in this movie that I wish I had the time to explain but long story short....middle class friend began feeling a little sorry for herself thinking that her husband may not have loved her as much as her friends husband seemed to have loved her. Until one day when everything changed. Rich best friend came over to middle class friend's house during the day balling her eyes out. Her husband had not only been buying her very nice jewelry and flowers but also quite a few other women. He was a Rico Suave' and apparently had many women on the side. While the rich friend is crying on her best friend's shoulder in the middle of her kitchen, middle class friend's husband comes home from a long day at work, smiles at his wife and begins washing his hands in the sink. He asks if he should pick up the kids from school since it looked like her friend needed her. She nods yes, her husband grabs the keys to go out the front door to pick up the kids. His wife then tells her rich best friend to stay right there for a moment. Middle class friend runs out the front door into their driveway and gives her husband a great big hug. He chuckles a little and asks "What was that for?" and she says "That's for taking out the trash, helping make dinner, cutting the grass, working so hard, being a great dad, and always coming home after work." (I balled my eyes out!!)

That truly is when everything changed for me. I no longer needed flowers delivered to my places of employement just so other people could see that my husband loved me. I didn't want Jamie to feel forced to buy me gifts because in all reality what he did everyday for me was enough. Some Valentines days we may go out to a nice dinner if we both agree....some Valentines Days we just stay in and watch the tube. Sometimes we get each other something and sometimes we don't. One Valentines day one of us may just give a card and the other gives a gift and vice versa but the nicest thing about it is that the day has become about us, not just me and that when we give each other something special we know it is from each others hearts and because we wanted to, not because we felt forced to. When we start realizing what we have right in front of us instead of comparing our lives to others or living in a soap opera dream world things become so much simpler and happy. I also believe it helps show our daughter Molly that gifts are nice but it is people's everyday actions that show us how much they truly love us and not how much they spent on a once a year gift.

P.S. He has not said so but I believe that if Jamie could shake the hands of the writers and producers of that movie he certainly would lol.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

His Name is Jamie

I have posted many different things over the years about how much I love my husband but now I feel like writing more. One because I want it written down for him to read and for Molly to know that her parents loved each other with all of their hearts. I am also inspired to write this after watching a movie that touched my heart like no other ever has and that is What Dreams May Come.

I met Jamie 17 1/2  years ago at a card party at a mutual friends house. It was instant attraction.  He was great looking, flashed his beautiful smile, I could tell he had confidence but wasn't cocky, and he had me laughing all night long.

Jamie and I dated for only three months before we got engaged. Our friends told us we were crazy and a few people were even mean about it and told us that it wouldn't last. Every anniversary I think about those people and do a little "Hah! proved you wrong once again" in my head. :)

Over the years when me and my girlfriends would go out I would talk about Jamie A LOT and after a while I could tell that some of the girls just weren't really interested or liking my comments very much. I guess they thought I was bragging but really I was just excited to talk about him and us and the things we liked to do etc. One thing I have learned is that even now, most women don't want to hear how great you think your husband is. For one, some will think that you are lying and two, it's more hip to complain about your husband with a group of women than it is to sing his praises. So now I mostly  just remain quiet except for  every now and then when I feel I must give a shout out to my J man :) This is one of those shout outs.

I must say that I feel a little sorry for Jamie for the way I treated him during our first couple years of marriage. I wasn't terrible or anything but I was just bound and determined to show him and everyone else that just because I was married and my last name was Sandridge, that didn't mean that I wasn't still my own person. I was independant! I would do stupid things like.... if we had people over or went  to someone's house and a person would ask their spouse to get them a drink or make them a plate, Jamie would say "Would you please get me one too?" and I would actually respond by saying "Heck no, you can go in there and get it yourself." I know it's something small but I think about this often and it will be in my list of some regrets.

Jamie had never given me any reason not to treat him with kindness and respect...I just thought that if I did ("in true man style" as I had been told once) that he would start taking me for granted. I was going to prove to everyone that I was my own woman and that I did what I wanted when I wanted to do it.  Ahh so young and  stupid.  It took about two years before I lost my attitude and Jamie never complained that entire time or ever said a word about it to me. (He always said my bossiness and strong opinons attracted him to me but I knew that if I had gone on long enough acting that way that the attractiveness would have worn off). Instead he just kept doing what he still does. If he get's himself a drink, he asks me if I want one. If he fixes himself a snack he asks if I want one. He cleans out my car, drops me off in front of the stores when I'm running errands, puts the groceries in the car even while it's 20 degrees out or pouring down rain and lets me sit inside the car with heat or air running. He has even turned the car around after twenty minutes of driving because I forgot to put my earrings on! It was right after that I began to ask myself  "Why am I being so selfish?" This man is so good to me, it is time I start repaying him for all the ways he has shown me that he loves me. I guess I need things proven to me sometimes.

St. Baldricks
Jamie is a kind, hardworking, laid back, and very funny man. He is a wonderful husband, a good provider and an awesome dad. Jamie did most all of the feedings and the diaper changing etc. for the first few months of  Molly's little life while I was trying to get over some terrible post pardum depression. And while I was depressed he never said nor acted like "You better get over this." or "My gosh how long is this going to last." One day he said to me "Libby, you are not yourself anymore. Why don't WE go see the doctor." So that is what we did. He sat next to me at my OBGYN's office while the doctor told us that things would get better and that he was going to help.

Jamie has never said nor acted like he had to "babysit" his own child. He has been hands on since the day Molly was born. He has fed her, diapered her, taught her how to ride a bike, catch fish, learn addition & subtraction, recognize sarcasm :), taught her pranks and jokes and even how she should beat someone up if they mess with her lol...the latest thing they have been experiencing together is driving. He has a lot of the patience that I don't have. I love him for being a great dad. I also love him for volunteering for getting a vasectomy when we decided we would only have one child. He told me that after seeing all what I had to go through with labor and the emergency C-section that it would be "idiotic" for him not to. I love him.

Here are some other things I love about him. I love that he is handsome. I love that he tells me I'm pretty. I love that when we go to work parties/functions or get togethers that we do not have to babysit one another and we can work the room on our own. I also love the fact that we can look at each other from across the room and smile and know exactly what the other one is thinking. Even to this very day, no matter where we go, I tell him that if I were single he would be THE GUY that I would choose all over again. I love that we have rarely ever fought and that our life is not full of drama. We have fought a total of 6 times since we have known each other and I know this because when we do fight I take note AND when we do fight..... grab a bag of popcorn and a soda because it's going to be a good one. ;)  However we have never left one another..not even for the night. He has always given me that sense of security that I love.

Jamie is not a jealous psycho man and he allows me to be myself and do all the things I love to do. Yet he stays in tune with me and will tell me when he does not like something. He is kind and laid back but still has a backbone. (it was this specific trait that took me a while to find in someone) I like to be boss but yet I don't. Makes perfect sense right? Yeah I know...I'm a woman what can say.

I love that he always makes me feel like I am the only woman in the room when we are out in public (even though like I have said many times that just because you're married doesn't mean you are blind) but if and when he does look he would never let me know it. I love that he is my biggest chearleader, that we make decisions together when it comes to raising Molly, and I really appreciate the fact that what started out as him going to church because he loved me would end up becoming him going to church because he loves God.

One of the two things I love the very most is that Jamie makes me LAUGH!!!! even at inappropriate times lol and I also LOVE that he dances!!! It was during that first three months that we dated...we were out at a mexican restaurant right off Tesson Ferry (which they have since torn down and I can no longer remember the name of it) but great music was coming out of their speaker system so Jamie grabbed me by the hand took me to this small open area in the middle of the restaurant and we danced in the middle of the restaurant while everyone was eating. I love him because he just didn't do these things to impress me because we were dating. I am happy to say that just last night him and I had the BEST time dancing to some great songs from our youth. We dance all the time and I love it!!
Jamie has given up some toys that most men have so that I could stay home with Molly and he still gives up a lot of things that I know he'd probably like to have just so I can work a job I enjoy or quit it whenever I want. Jamie is unique. He is genuine and I mean very genuine. There is not single bone in his body that yearns to act like he is something he is not. Jamie is kind and Jamie is loyal. I will love him to the day I die. I am happy I've experienced this love. I thank God for it every single day and it is one of my ultimate wishes that we get to grow very, very, old together. 

I am glad I got to express this because there are so many times I don't express it when I actually want to because people just don't take me the right way when I say it.

I have told him all these things before but I think we can all use reminders about just how much someone loves us.