It Took a Lifetime Movie to Change My Mind About Valentines Day

Now I never have been a girl that longed for someone super romantic...thoughtful was more my expectation. I have always believed there is a fine line between being romantic and what I call over the top cheesy. However, there was a time in my life when my hubby and I were first married that I did have some high expectations when it came to holidays and birthdays and especially Valentines Day. I would say the for about the first four years we were married I Expected the flowers and candies and expensive dinners. And being the kind of guy Jamie is he never disappointed. During that time I felt that by Jamie doing those things for me it must have meant he REALLY loved me.

Many Valentine's days I have had two dozen roses delivered to work (only to die a week a later) but hey the $120 dollars was worth those 10 compliments I got from my coworkers huh? We also went out and had those expensive Valentine dinners and one year I was even given a diamond necklace (one that he knew I liked of course because I had only told him about it over and over again). Many of us ladies watch so many love stories and soap operas that we begin to think that this is how it should be. Many times, deep down inside I knew that Jamie was probably just doing these things for me because I believe he felt he HAD to, which looking back is really kind of sad. But none the less I kept the tradition going. By golly if Victor Newman was going to do some of these things for Nikki then my hubby was going to do them for me :) Valentine's day seemed to be more all about me than about us. But during that time that was ok by me.

Then one day during the summer I was watching a movie on the Lifetime Movie Network. I sure wish I could remember the name of it but I only saw it once and I cannot remember. However the movie was about these two best friends. One woman came from a nice middle class family whose husband was a mechanic and her best friend was a woman who wasn't filthy rich but pretty well off. It was a pretty long movie but it pretty much boiled down to this. Rich friend (as I'll call her) was always being given beautiful things by her husband. He would buy her nice jewelry and she would always have to go over and show her middle class friend her new treasures. He would buy her flowers quite often and even wound up sending her and her middle class best friend on a girl's trip to Europe. Now if that doesn't show how much he loved her I don't know what would right? Right!! ;)  Many times, middle class friend would get a little bit jealous deep down inside. It wasn't that she didn't love her husband but she wished she would be showered with gifts, flowers, and trips like her  best friend.

Rich friend's husband was also very suave. His profession required him to dress in suits and he always smelled very nice. However he did travel quite a bit because of his job and was not home very often. Middle class friend's husband would come into the house with greasy clothes and hands. However, he came straight home from work and happy to see his wife, always greeting her with a kiss and heading straight for the kitchen sink to wash his hands to begin helping her with dinner.

There were so many things that happened in this movie that I wish I had the time to explain but long story short....middle class friend began feeling a little sorry for herself thinking that her husband may not have loved her as much as her friends husband seemed to have loved her. Until one day when everything changed. Rich best friend came over to middle class friend's house during the day balling her eyes out. Her husband had not only been buying her very nice jewelry and flowers but also quite a few other women. He was a Rico Suave' and apparently had many women on the side. While the rich friend is crying on her best friend's shoulder in the middle of her kitchen, middle class friend's husband comes home from a long day at work, smiles at his wife and begins washing his hands in the sink. He asks if he should pick up the kids from school since it looked like her friend needed her. She nods yes, her husband grabs the keys to go out the front door to pick up the kids. His wife then tells her rich best friend to stay right there for a moment. Middle class friend runs out the front door into their driveway and gives her husband a great big hug. He chuckles a little and asks "What was that for?" and she says "That's for taking out the trash, helping make dinner, cutting the grass, working so hard, being a great dad, and always coming home after work." (I balled my eyes out!!)

That truly is when everything changed for me. I no longer needed flowers delivered to my places of employement just so other people could see that my husband loved me. I didn't want Jamie to feel forced to buy me gifts because in all reality what he did everyday for me was enough. Some Valentines days we may go out to a nice dinner if we both agree....some Valentines Days we just stay in and watch the tube. Sometimes we get each other something and sometimes we don't. One Valentines day one of us may just give a card and the other gives a gift and vice versa but the nicest thing about it is that the day has become about us, not just me and that when we give each other something special we know it is from each others hearts and because we wanted to, not because we felt forced to. When we start realizing what we have right in front of us instead of comparing our lives to others or living in a soap opera dream world things become so much simpler and happy. I also believe it helps show our daughter Molly that gifts are nice but it is people's everyday actions that show us how much they truly love us and not how much they spent on a once a year gift.

P.S. He has not said so but I believe that if Jamie could shake the hands of the writers and producers of that movie he certainly would lol.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!