Today I read an article that was titled How to be a Cool Mom. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Personally I DO NOT want nor do I need to be a “COOL MOM”. Here is a small excerpt of what was listed in the article….
1.The word is cool, so be cool in the sense of not freaking out, panicking, or jumping the gun.
2. If your child gets a boyfriend or girlfriend and the subject of sleepovers come up, make sure both sets of parents know ahead of time and are both willing.
3. Give your kids a break, don't stress them with too much pressure about anything.
4. Always give affection, such as a warm hug, but try to not suffocate them.
5. Comfort your children when they have a problem and show that you're there to help but don't get upset in any case.
6. Ask your children about what makes them embarrassed, so you can make a list of things that you should avoid doing to possibly embarrass your child in front of others.
7. Make suggestions, and don't demand that they do something.
WHAT!!!!!!???
I thought to myself this had to be a joke but unfortunately it was not. I know this is my opinion and not the opinion of all but that is what I love about this blog….It’s my opinion I get to express. :)
I believe that it is not our job to be "cool" or our child's best friend. It is our job to be their responsible MOM. I will leave it up to my daughter's 13 year old friends to be her cool friends.
This was proven to me when a few years ago a good friend of mine shared with me that she wishes she would have had a mom like mine. One that kissed her in front of people, one that would call up to the house she was at to make sure she was actually there, the one that gave her a curfew, and the one who wasn't in the middle of her bedroom chatting it up with all of her girlfriends.
Our kid's want us to be the responsible parents. They do not want us to be on an equal playing level as them. Our children are looking to us for guidance.
Now I do believe that we should raise our children with love and understanding. I do not believe we should act like raging lunetics when we discipline (but I do believe children need discipline) and I do believe that we need to show respect and trust to our children. Plain and simple we need to be their example. We can say things to them until we are blue in the face but they have to see us living what we teach.
Most importantly...I believe that when you tell a child you are going to do something you must ALWAYS follow through. This is the greatest thing my parents taught me. If you follow through on everything you say you will have already won half the battle of raising a great kid. This not only let's your child know early on that you mean what you say (so if they disobey they know the consequences) It also gives them a sense of security because they will also know that you will do the fun, good, everyday things with them.
Here's another thing. It is OK for your child to be mad at you. It's not ok for them to be disrespectful but let them be mad. It is healthy for them to cry and work through things. So many parents freak out if their kid gets mad or seem upset with them. Trust me....they'll get over it. They are not always going to get everything they want in life and they should learn it early on. That being said....after they are finished being mad listen to what they have to say. Have a discussion. Molly and I do this all the time. It doesn't mean I will change my viewpoint BUT there have been a couple occassions where she did make me see things in a different light. Communication is key.
Now granted, we want to stay up to date and not be boring ole fuddy duddies, and we want to be invloved in our child's life and know what is going on in their world that is for sure. But our #1 job is to prepare our children for their lives. We should be living each day teaching them how to live as if we were no longer around. Preperation for the future is the greatest gift we can give to our children...not trying to be the cool mom in front of all their friends.
I'll never forget the first time I went to a friends house and their parents asked us if we wanted to go sit outside by their bonfire. I thought cool. So we had some snacks, talked, and sat around the fire for about an hour. Then the mom and dad started smoking some pot and then passed it to us. My mouth about hit the floor. (FYI...that friend has substance abuse problems to this day)I don't want to be that "cool" parent. I want to be an example.
The Hope of the world is in our children. "Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it." Proverbs 22:6 It is our responsibility to raise them as loving, empathetic, independant, self sufficient, understanding, human beings. Then... when they are grown and have a family of their own it's at that moment when your child will want to become your best friend. They will be asking for your opinions, calling you in the middle of the night, crying on your shoulder etc. and they will be doing all of these things because you have proved to them from when they were just a child that you are kind, trustworthy, and a person of your word. You will be one of the few people whose children still like talking to you and wish to also hang out with you because YOU WERE the coolest mom....the world may not have recognized it.... but your child's heart did.
My hope is... for anyone out there that is trying to be your child's best friend by drinking with them, hanging out with their friends, allowing the boyfriend to crash for the night, letting them buy and do anything and everything they want, that you will second think your choices. Because 30 years from now your child may be telling one of their long time friends that they so wish their mom would have been more like their friend's mom.
God gives us HOPE when there seems to be none. ~ Your friend, Lib
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